The Trip…..

Part of the “fun” of being married to an entrepreneur is that until the company is successful, you never really know if you are going to get paid each month. “Will this be the month? ” you will ask yourself. And then hold your breath… Vacations, as a result, are non-existent. So, when a business convention in Vegas came up, I jumped on it! I did not care that it was July. In the desert. It was a beautiful hotel and a chance to get away and go to restaurants and pretend we were some version of our old selves, or at the very least, people who take vacations again. I began to dream of the luxury hotel and relaxing by the pool with drink in hand. Which is when panic struck. Ryan had stopped drinking about 9 months prior (more on that in a later blog). What the fuckety-fuck does one do in Vegas sober???

The Research…

Ryan and I have been traveling at least once a year to Vegas since we were in college. We have celebrated New Year’s there a few times, attended the NFR, birthday trips, you name it. But NEVER once have we arrived without first catching a sufficient buzz on the flight over. Can you even fly to Vegas without an in-flight cocktail? I was about to find out. I frantically began to search Google for things to do in Vegas that do not involve alcohol. Y’all, if you are anything like me, you would be GOB-SMACKED. There is an entire world of sober activity IN VEGAS! I encourage you to google the infinite possibilities!

What to do…..

Our time was a little limited, this was a business trip after all. So I thought I would take advantage of the fact that for the first time, we would be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning. We have recently become “hikers.” I use that term loosely as by that point I had probably hiked all of three times. But I had heard that Red Rock was amazing, so I was excited to hike someplace new. Keep in mind that this is July. The temp is up over 100. This requires that we leave at o’dark thirty, otherwise known as 5:30 am.

Now, there are three types of people awake and on the move at 5:30 am in Vegas. The first are the people that used to be our peeps. The ones just getting in from the clubs or off the betting tables and heading to the diner for some coffee and grease. Next, you have the casino workers, who somehow look pretty flippin put together at this god-awful time. And then there is the third group, the ones that I was becoming acquainted with, these underground folks that either slipped by me unnoticed all those years or have only recently surfaced due to the newly “cool” way of striving for better health. Waiting in line at Starbucks, I was floored at the amount of people starting their day in either work attire or gym attire. Huh, could it be possible that there was a “Vegas” I has missed out on all these years? I was about to find out.

A New Adventure….

And so it began…. we sat outside, watched the sunrise, drank our coffee, and waited for our Uber driver. He showed up and we got in. I was a little shocked how awake and fresh the driver appeared at this time of day…. you see a pattern developing here? We were off to rent a Corvette Convertible. Quick side note….if you want to hike Red Rock in Vegas, you need transportation, service is sketchy and Uber’s are hard to come by. Ryan pointed this out the night before, and in a panic, I found Turo, it’s like an AirBnB for vehicles. Pretty awesome.

The Uber Adventure…

The ride over to pick up the Corvette was eventful in and of itself. Our Uber driver did not speak much English, but spoke Spanish and he and Ryan were having some lively, hand flinging conversation. While sitting at a red light, the car suddenly lurched forward. I raised my eyebrows at Ryan as our Spanish-speaking friend went into full animation. All I could make out was “Aye Dios Mio!” and a bunch of hand-flailing. We had been hit from behind by a dude barely conscience behind us. Good lord. From Ryan’s translation, what I gathered was the obvious: the dude was drunk and the damage was nothing, so the driver is giving it up to God. We called to report a drunk driver and continued on.

The drop-off….

When we arrived to pick up the car, we were dropped in a parking lot of some warehouse buildings with a very cagey-looking woman sitting on the curb, clearly still out from the night before. I was definitely beginning to wonder about this Turo deal. As time rolled on, I called the guy. Apparently and very typical of me, I had booked the car for the next day. Ugh. The guy was incredibly accommodating however, and got up (by now it was a whopping 6:15 am), and met us. We finally left with the Vette around 6:45, about an hour later than I’d hoped considering the heat. But oh, was the car worth it! Driving out to Red Rock at sunrise with the top down was breath-taking.

Turtlehead…I mean a Death March

We arrived at the Tourist building to find it closed. Now I am scrambling to figure out which hike to take and where the trail head was located. I am extremely directionally impaired and Ryan was annoyed that I hadn’t planned this out. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it!” I snapped. I chose a “strenuous” hike that was only 4 miles up and back, figuring when rating hikes for the public, government agencies have to take into account all levels of health. Turtlehead couldn’t be that difficult, plus the map said it could be windy (it was already 90 out and we could use the breeze), and that the view from the top of Red Rock Canyon and Vegas was the best best there was. Off we go!

Into the Wild…

It started out pretty simple. Great wide paths obviously traveled by many hikers, and because we were in the desert in July, no overgrowth to maneuver- a blessing since I was in shorts. Then shit got real. I clung to rocks, praying they would hold. We were navigating narrow, sliding pathways on cliffs leading to certain death with one slip. The upside was that it was windy. Considering the 95 degree heat by 7:15am, the wind was a welcome reprieve. Clearly, I had drastically underestimated the term “strenuous” in the government-issued pamphlet. Strenuous I can do, this was plain hell. Then it hit me: I HAVE TO GET DOWN THIS FUCKING MOUNTAIN. Oh hell no. Someone is going to have to fly their helicopter up and get my ass. I was pondering whether or not insurance would cover my life-flight down and praying the rocks under my feet would hold, when I heard an angel from above.

Saved by the Outdoorsy Hunters….

Now y’all, I’m a little woo-woo, but I challenge even the greatest skeptics on the Universe intervening here. I can only describe this man as a guardian angel sent by Universe to rescue us and our marriage (times like these tend to test my patience and Ryan’s myopic attitude can make me grumpy to say the least). Terrified to move a muscle for fear of tumbling off of the cliff to my death, I very carefully gaze upward at a large, burly dude, “Hi! Are you guys ok? Do you need water?” I could have kissed him for the simple fact that he was standing there. He was younger and rugged with a big pack on and an even bigger easy-going smile. Perfect. I told him we were good on water (more on that in a minute) thank you. Ryan, a good 30 feet ahead of me was chatting on jovially with him as if they had just been introduced at a cocktail party. I am straining to look up without releasing my death-grip on the rocks. As our Jolly-Hiking Buddy was explaining that this is his favorite hike and he was waiting for his two buddies to catch up so they could RUN DOWN. WITH A 70 POND PACK ON. Now that’s just showing off.

As I awkwardly scratched and clawed my way up to the path they were standing on, I desperately begged, “Please tell me there is another way down!” And this angel sent from the Universe above responded, “Why, yes!” The burly, Mountain Man chuckled and told us we had missed a turn and had taken the most difficult way up. Of course we did. I say most difficult because, by no means was the alternate path easy, but I felt my chances of survival increase by at least 25%.

The Obvious Metaphor…..

It is easy to see how this hike up would symbolize our Entrepreneur life. We claw and scratch and slide backwards and fall and live in a constant state of stress. And just when you think you’ve been done-in, that you are truly fucked, a big burly dude with a warm smile comes to the rescue. Well, not literally, you do get that the dude is also a metaphor for the Universe, right?